journal: january 3, 2011.
January 5, 2011
i’m trying to gather my thoughts, but i’m realizing quickly that i can’t. i’ve never been so in awe of the love God has for me. and i say that partially excited and partially disgusted. disgusted with myself, with my flesh, wondering how i could’ve felt comfortable enough with my life up to this point to completely overlook the deep, deep love of Jesus Christ. i weep partially out of joy for the realization that the LORD has a real love for me, and partially out of sorrow for it taking me twenty years to see it. others in this world are giving their lives for the advancement of the gospel and the kingdom of heaven, and i can’t remember the last time i told someone about Jesus.
it’s hard. it hurts. knowing a good majority of my life has been wasted is unbearable. but i know that God has softened my heart with reason. He has made Himself known to me with purpose. i pray that i would always be receptive to what God’s will is for my life. i pray that my passion would be to carry out God’s perfect commands. i pray that i would have the heart, the same heart, as the Father. and i pray that He would use me to glorify Himself.
He glorified Himself without a doubt today. for the first time, i experienced the feeling of freedom, the feeling of liberty, from sin. i saw today where i have been in comparison to where i am now and i am blown away. the LORD has rescued me and i rejoice in His salvation. this morning’s session was a time of celebration in recognition of God’s wonderful power. and while i relish in this time of joy, i still see that i am no where near where i need to be. and so, here comes action.
i need to prepare myself daily to share the gospel EVERY chance i get. i need to love others well and love then genuinely, so that Christ’s love shines through me and so that He is ultimately glorified in all my relationships. i need to serve selflessly, and ultimately abandon myself and what i want so that i can do exactly what God wants. and i need to rid myself of pride, envy, and selfishness so that i can be holy and blameless in God’s eyes. i pray that God would humble me greatly so that He, and ONLY He, can be lifted up. i pray that my attitude would be the same as that of Christ Jesus.
“when you know God truly, you will love God deeply.”
-david platt
a new aspiration.
